tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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