It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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