Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
