yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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