I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
