You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
