quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
