Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize