Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
