I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
