He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Two words: blizzard sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
