I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
