Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
