College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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