what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize