my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
