hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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