he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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