Tell her she can't have a vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize