I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
