so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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