I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
