The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
