So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
