the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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