we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
40s are totally the cure
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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