dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize