chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
