so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
