It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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