shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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