is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hippo gnu deer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
