Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
