Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
