Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
