I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
