If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize