i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I currently don't understand fingers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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