youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize