its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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