I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
