Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize