The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
