Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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