It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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