2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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