Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
