proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
