Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
