she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
