I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
