you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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