it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
