Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
