Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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