you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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