i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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