final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize