Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
