I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
